


Patrick Brewer, a gay man,

by Patrickbrewerissupergay



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Gay, M/M, Patrick Brewer is Gay, he's gay, he's in love with david a pansexual man, patrick brewer a gay man, the gay man known as patrick brewer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-24
Updated: 2019-10-24
Packaged: 2021-01-02 12:10:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21161456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Patrickbrewerissupergay/pseuds/Patrickbrewerissupergay
Summary: For Megan. I love you.





	Patrick Brewer, a gay man,

**Author's Note:**

  * For [patrickbrewer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/patrickbrewer/gifts).

David and Patrick, arm in arm walking through the Schitt’s Fountain Park, began to have a conversation that neither of them knew how to bring up. It might have been awkward with anyone else, but together, they had found lately that there were all sorts of conversations they were able to have with each other that they’d never have with anyone else.

“Have you given it much more thought?” David asked.

The question had been unprompted and had come after several minutes of sweet, satisfied silence. But Patrick knew what David meant.

“I think so,” he said. “I’m feeling more… comfortable now, I guess.”

David smiled. “You know you don’t have to put a label on it, right?” he asked, and he moved his hand down Patrick’s arm until it was in Patrick’s hand, squeezing it. “You’re allowed to just feel things without putting a name to them.”

“I know,” he nodded. “But I feel right. I feel like all my life I’ve been looking for a name for it, and this is it.”

They came upon a bench and decided to sit there, watching the birds fly in and out of the fountain for a while and the shadows rising as the sun faded behind them. The sunset lit them up in purples and oranges, and they both looked at the other and thought they must be looking at the most beautiful thing that existed.

“Do you want to talk about it?” David asked.

“Yeah,” Patrick answered, not a hint of hesitation in his voice. “I think talking about it might be exactly what I need.”

David moved the couple of inches closer that were left. He leaned his weight against Patrick and curled an arm around his body. “Tell me everything you want to say,” he told him.

Patrick took in a deep breath as if he were about to dive off the edge of a cliff. And from the way he held onto David, it felt a little like it, too.

“I’m gay,” he said.

David smiled. He didn’t need to say anything.

“I thought about it, you know,” he continued, his voice softer now. “And I guess I’ve got some frame of reference, right? So I thought about when I was with women, and I think about how that compares with now, and there’s just no question, David.”

David could feel his cheeks, the tips of his ears turning red. He rested his chin on Patrick’s shoulder.

“I don’t think I ever got any kind of real pleasure from all of it back then. I mean, sure I was able to have sex, and I was able to… I don’t know… do all the right stuff? But…” he shook his head, but his hand squeezed David’s tight, showing how sure he really was. “I didn’t know what it was supposed to feel like until I was with you.”

David closed his eyes. “When you say nice things like that, it makes me want to kiss you.”

“Well you can kiss me,” Patrick smiled.

“Finish what you’re saying first though, because once I start I’m not gonna wanna stop.”

Patrick laughed a little. “Well, there’s not much more to say,” he said. “I just know that when I was with women, I didn’t feel whole. I didn’t feel like I was really there. I felt like my intentions and my actions were separate from my feelings. I felt like I was existing outside of myself every time I kissed them. I felt like I was lying every time I touched them, and I had to convince myself that maybe that time, maybe after sleeping with that person or trying that new thing I was told about, Id finally be able to enjoy it.”

David watched Patrick’s auburn lashes lower over his eyes as he stared at the ground. He held him a little closer.

“That’s how I know,” he said. “I know that when I was with them, it was all guilt. It was work. It was like running a marathon every time she asked me to stay at her place and I felt like I’d said no too many times before. But when I’m with you…”

He turned, looked into David’s eyes.

“When I’m with you, I feel free. I feel… normal. I feel like me.”

David felt the tears rise, but he blinked them back.

“David,” Patrick spoke, “When I’m with you, I never want to be with anyone else. But I especially don’t want to go back to a life where I had to fake my way through dates and feel more sad and guilty than I should have whenever someone told me they wanted to come home with me.”

“I’m glad you know how you feel,” David said. “I get it. I knew I was pansexual pretty early on. I remember the first time I heard that term described and realized that was me. It felt like the right label, I guess. I can’t imagine being so restricted in your own mind.”

“Yeah,” Patrick nodded. “Well… that’s all in the past.”

“Yes it is. And you’re a gay man. You, Patrick Brewer, are a gay man.”

“Yes indeed. I, Patrick Brewer, am a gay man.”

“Not bisexual.”

“Nope. Although some people are, and that’s great!”

“And not asexual.”

“Well sure, some people don’t feel sexual attraction. Who am I to say those people aren’t valid? But I personally do enjoy sex. With you. A man.”

“And even though I, David Rose, am pansexual, you are not.”

“I am not. I am a gay man.”

“With no attraction to women.”

“Not sexually or romantically, no.”

David and Patrick held each other a bit longer, then decided to walk back home before nightfall.

So to you, dear reader, I say just this:

If you are bisexual, pansexual, asexual, or anything else at all, you deserve love and respect. You are valid and you deserve happiness. But some people are gay. Like Patrick Brewer, a very fictional but very gay man created by the mind that is Dan Levy. Dan’s been great at giving us queer representation across the board and normalizing the idea of sexualities that are not heterosexual by default. Fanfiction writers may write as they choose, and you may not agree with them or like them or you might even want to take a character written with love and intent and change their sexuality to a point where you are upset when other people choose not to change it. That’s fine. Well, it’s not fine. But it is what it is.

My point is that Patrick Brewer is gay. His gayness represents a whole bunch of us who spent a long time in the closet, maybe even going well into adulthood before we realized that the way we’d been living was a lie to ourselves and everyone we loved. Not bisexual, because that would mean that he was happy to exist in sexual relationships with women, which he was not. His entire life was a ball of confusion and self-loathing before he met David, a man, and everything changed.

He is gay, and there’s nothing you can do about it.


End file.
